I have been writing parts of this blog entry all day. Today marks four years since my total hysterectomy. That's saying a lot, considering I just turned 30. I try so hard not to dislike today, yet my emotions always seem to sneak in and get the best of me. I can't believe it's still this raw after four years. While there is certainly growth and acceptance, there will always be mourning.
I guess it's hard not to repeatedly feel the loss of not being able to bear my own children, especially with constant reminders all around me. Every other person I know is pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or recently pregnant. Who am I not to be completely happy for them? The sheer number of babies all around me is astounding - they really are little miracles, each and every one of them.
I have to remember that I am PAIN FREE. Just writing that makes me smile. Endometriosis is an evil disease, and I made a medical choice that has improved my life a hundredfold. Who knew 2 mg of estrogen would become so important to my daily existence!? I'm able to teach. I'm able to travel. I'm able to sing without pain. I'm able to LIVE my life. I literally thank God every day for my second chance!
I really do try to remember that, although I may not be able to carry children, I can still be a mother. That's an important distinction, and ultimately, what gets me through May 27th each and every year.
I guess it's hard not to repeatedly feel the loss of not being able to bear my own children, especially with constant reminders all around me. Every other person I know is pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or recently pregnant. Who am I not to be completely happy for them? The sheer number of babies all around me is astounding - they really are little miracles, each and every one of them.
I have to remember that I am PAIN FREE. Just writing that makes me smile. Endometriosis is an evil disease, and I made a medical choice that has improved my life a hundredfold. Who knew 2 mg of estrogen would become so important to my daily existence!? I'm able to teach. I'm able to travel. I'm able to sing without pain. I'm able to LIVE my life. I literally thank God every day for my second chance!
I really do try to remember that, although I may not be able to carry children, I can still be a mother. That's an important distinction, and ultimately, what gets me through May 27th each and every year.
1 comment:
Hi Brenda,
I just wanted to say thank you for your post and how amazingly positive you sound. I have no doubt that you are a wonderful mom to many many kids, the more so because you have some space within which to relate with them. I hope I am not sounding patronising, tht's not the intention. That spider, with you on that one - too scarey for words.
Have a good one, MM
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